What are boundaries and why are we so messed up if we don’t have them?

For those having been instilled with good Boundaries they may seem as natural as breathing, a way of being in the world that is consistent and makes sense. For those less fortunate, poor boundary development can be crippling like few other things in life. In essence a boundary is a personal line in the sand that distinguishes you from someone else defining what you are responsible for in life from what you are not. A very clear definition of who you are and who you are not.

Physical Boundaries help us decide who may touch us and under what circumstances.

Mental Boundaries free us to have our own thoughts and opinions.

Emotional Boundaries help us define and deal with our own emotions and disengage from destructive, harmful or manipulative emotions of others.

Spiritual Boundaries help us distinguish God’s will from our own and help define who he is (this is huge).

How do you know if you have Boundary problems?

Is it hard to say no?

Do you feel mean or unloving when you attempt to set boundaries with others?

Do you have difficulty deciding how much time, love or money to give away?

Do you have a pervasive sense that saying no is just selfish?

Clearly defining who we are and taking responsibility for ourselves is one of the healthiest most worthwhile endeavors we can undertake. Knowing, developing and internalizing good boundaries is the framework upon which all the rest of our lives sits. They determine whether we will move relatively smoothly and successfully through our relationships, work and interactions in life or not.

Good boundaries determine how well we are able to protect ourselves emotionally and physically. They keep us navigating through life without taking on someone else’s responsibility or allowing them to take on ours in a misguided attempt to avoid our own responsibilities.

Good boundary development is a specialty of mine and I have seen tremendous growth in clients whose lives have literally been transformed by our work together. If there is only one thing you ever do to improve the quality and enjoyment of your life develop healthy boundaries! Contact me if you would like to work on boundary development together.

Speak Your Mind


MFT license 42762

Rhombus Counseling
335 Church Ave. Chula Vista
, CA 91910

(619) 518-1323

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